In May of 2023, I found out I was pregnant for the second time, and this time it led to a successful childbirth. Let me tell you one thing, I am different and weird but that’s ok. I want to share that I embrace my individuality, even if it may not fit the typical expectations for Black women. While working during my pregnancy, I chose not to disclose the news to my coworkers to avoid the intrusive questions I knew would follow.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was excited. First, I can successfully become pregnant naturally and secondly, I get to be a part of the secret society of motherhood.
In this secret society giving birth was part of this initiation into motherhood and I was just waiting until that day. I had already decided early on that my journey would be different. Unfortunately, my coworkers, especially my superiors, struggled to accept my unconventional approach.
My coworkers would inquire about how I felt during my pregnancy and I said it going great. This was a lie. I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy in the beginning because I couldn’t be honest about how I felt. Although I was honest with myself which was more important than being honest to others. So when I told my coworkers that I didn’t like being pregnant and I was miserable they made it seem as if I wasn’t grateful for the experience. I was happy to be pregnant but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed being pregnant. As my pregnancy progressed, my colleagues would ask about baby showers, gender reveals, and knowing the sex of the baby. I made choices that deviated from these norms, which were met with disappointment. People assumed I was denying my unborn child the “usual” maternal experiences. Let me explain why I made these decisions.
baby shower:
I opted out of a baby shower as tradition dictates that a close relative or friend should host it, and I didn’t have anyone willing to do so. I also felt that gifts for the baby could be given without the need for a formal event.
Gender reveal
We didn’t want to know the gender and people were so astonished why I didn’t want to know the sex for 9 months. I just didn’t I wanted it to be a surprise. But the entire time of my pregnancy made me so upset because people were telling me what I was going to have based on: the foods I ate, how I was carrying the baby, the dreams I had, the side I slept on, if my eyes were teary or dry, and more superstitious ways to predict the sex of the child. This never ended and I had to eventually tell people I DON’T WANT PREDICTIONS! If I wanted to know I would’ve found out. This frustrated me so much. I was then over it. I would close my ears and la la la while people read my stomach like it was a crystal ball. What I would also do is call the fetus IT. My supervisor told me she didn’t like me calling the baby it. As I said again, I’m different and how I navigate through my pregnancy journey is exactly what it is MY JOURNEY. I referred to my baby as IT because before people would announce during a gender reveal that “it’s” a girl or boy it was an IT. So what she didn’t like was that I called the baby it. It’s not her fetus so it’s not her business. She could either accept it or don’t inquire about the pregnancy at all. That wasn’t the worst part about the pregnancy either. It was the unsolicited touching of my belly.
Belly Touching
I hated and I mean hated with a passion of people touching my stomach. If I could count on both hands the time I had to give people the Heisman pose just for reaching their hands out to violate me, I’d be an octopus. People never respected my personal space nor did they ask permission to touch me.
I am very big on energy and everyone isn’t supposed to touch my belly. Period. Some people don’t have good energy and by that I mean co-workers who don’t like me, people who are always going through bad situations, and people who are grieving. I believe that just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and people carry bad energy with them.
Prenatal
The final straw came when my unconventional choices, such as minimal medical interventions and a desire for a home birth with a midwife, were met with disapproval and criticism from my coworkers. I only had 2 ultrasounds, no gestational test, no tdap, and no ob-gyn. At work, people assumed I was now endangering my baby. I preferred to have my own birthing experience how I wanted. I wanted to make sure there was as little medical intervention as possible unless necessary. I decided to prioritize my birthing experience and sought out a midwife who supported my wishes.
I hired Cindy from Paramana Birth Services in Valparaiso, Indiana. She was AMAZING. I entrusted her knowledge, wisdom, and experience and fired my ob-gyn since he was not planning to give me the birthing experience I desired. When I shared this with my co-workers no one supported me. I was told I NEEDED to go to a hospital and I was going to need an epidural and blah blah blah. No one was supportive of my decisions. So at that moment, I decided the less I was at work the better I felt. there is nothing worse than people not supporting your decisions because of fear. Rather than being open-minded to new things I was shunned for wanting a more natural and intimate experience for my first childbirth. What a shame.
In the end, I embraced my unique journey through pregnancy and childbirth, unapologetically paving my path despite societal expectations.